I grew up around a lot of criticism. Several people close to me would criticize, condemn, and sometimes even mock anyone they thought dressed, spoke, acted, or lived strangely. They even criticized people who appeared more “normal” if their hair, skin, or anything else appeared imperfect or different. And they also criticized me whenever I looked different than they thought I should. I got a lot of criticisms over my hair, clothes, teeth, skin, interests, mannerisms, etc. This got me used to the idea of criticism as a way of life, which caused me a lot of problems.
Making a habit out of criticism cause me to spend a lot of time silently and even verbally criticizing other people. It also resulted in a lot of the internal self-criticisms I’ve dealt with for most of my life. As a result, it became much harder to enjoy spending time around other people out of fear that they’d criticize me or because I tended to criticize them. This prevented me from relaxing and appreciating others as much as I could have. I’m sure it’s also alienated many people I knew and driven them away from me.
To this day I still sometimes find it hard to avoid criticizing people. Fortunately, I have found some things that have shown me the way out. One of the most helpful has been realizing that I don’t know anyone’s story unless they tell me. They may have a specific reason for their appearance or their actions, or they may not. Either way, making assumptions won’t tell me anything about them or result in anything positive; all that will do is cause a lot of problems and make at least one of us feel bad. Even if I know why they are a certain way, what difference does that make? Why should I or anyone else expect them to be a certain way and then feel negatively toward them if they do their own thing instead? That won’t make it any easier to treat them well, help them if they need a hand, or see them in a positive light, so I don’t think it’s worth doing at all.
The other thing I’ve found that helps me avoid criticizing other people is remembering how it felt to be on the receiving end of the unnecessary criticisms I faced growing up. I hated the way that that made me feel and I don’t want to subject anyone else to those same feelings. The first of my rules that I do my best to follow every day involves treating other people as I want them to treat me, so this means refraining from criticizing them. Refraining from criticizing other people also helps me avoid criticizing myself. When I stop looking for things I dislike in others, I start finding things to appreciate in them instead; it works the same way when I do this for myself.
I’ve gradually gotten better at ignoring my inner critic and and seeing others for who they truly are instead of how I perceive them to be. This has also helped me see myself more clearly and objectively. As a result, I’m much more comfortable in everyday life whether I’m alone or with someone else. My relationships also feel much better and more natural since I started learning to be less critical. There are times where criticism is warranted, such as when someone asks for feedback or hurts another person, but I think most of the criticism in the world is unwarranted. My life has improved in so many ways as I’ve mostly stopped being critical, so this has been one of the best changes I’ve ever made and I’m so glad I did it.