Time for the next entry in the series about my rules. This post will focus on one of my most important rules, both for interacting with other people and dealing with myself: Be honest.
I believe honesty is morally right and that intentionally deceiving other people is wrong. That’s the primary reason I do my best to always be honest and, even if I had no other reason to value the truth, I would still support it on grounds of principle. However, I also believe honesty is useful in everyday life. Honesty facilitates trust, which is essential in all relationships, whether they be familial, friendship, romantic, business, or anything else. Lying breaks that trust, sometimes irreparably, and drives people away. Telling the truth garners respect and strengthens trust, especially when it’s difficult or inconvenient to do so.
Further, there’s more to honesty than simply avoiding directly lying. Intentionally concealing important information when asked about a particular situation or phrasing things in such a way as to mislead someone are both examples of dishonesty. It can be embarrassing to admit that I don’t know something, but being straightforward about it generally earns respect from others and prevents a number of problems that would likely arise if I lied. That’s why I’d rather clumsily tell the truth than smoothly tell a lie.
In addition to being honest with other people, I also do my best to be honest with myself. This includes following my rules to the best of my ability, avoiding hypocrisy by keeping my actions consistent with my thoughts and words, and doing things that I have told myself I will do. Also, and perhaps most importantly, I strive to be honest with myself about how I’m feeling. If I want to work through negative thoughts or emotions, I have to acknowledge that I have them before I can do anything about them. Occasionally I’ll get a negative vibe about a certain person or situation; ignoring that feeling has gotten me into trouble in the past, so now I pay attention whenever I feel that way. Even when it turns out to be nothing serious, being honest about how I’m feeling is still important.
The only times I think dishonesty may be justified are cases in which telling the truth will result in someone being tormented and lying gives them a chance to escape. For example, I consider those who hid persecuted people in their homes during WWII and then lied about it to SS officers to be heroes for saving lives even though they did it dishonestly. Outside of those situations, however, I see honesty as the only way to go. You may disagree with me about that or see it as contradictory to what I said above, and that’s perfectly fine, especially since it is contradictory. I’m just being honest about my thinking regarding telling the truth in life-or-death situations, and I hope I’m never in one of those situations. For all other areas of life, I think honesty is always the best policy. I hope that this has been useful in some way even if it’s simply interesting food for thought. I’d appreciate any feedback you have about this and I will see you in the next post.