Everything we do with at least one other person involves communication. Whether we’re buying a house, arranging a group trip, playing a sport, making a movie, or any other group activity, we have to communicate effectively to succeed. When emotions run high and people are frustrated, communication tends to break down and become ineffective. Since I’ve written a lot, I tend to think quite a bit about communication and how to get better at it. Here are some of my thoughts on the subject.
I see communication and speaking as two different things. I see speaking as someone getting on stage in front of an audience, reciting a speech verbatim, and not making a single mistake. They may be a great speaker but if they’re not saying anything of importance or they’re failing to connect with the audience, then I don’t think they’re communicating. A communicator may stumble over their words, backtrack a time or two, and not enunciate clearly; as long as they succeed in connecting with the audience and getting their message across, I’d consider them to be a good communicator. I think the pinnacle of communication, what constitutes a great communicator, is someone who leaves a lasting impression on their listeners, successfully delivers their message, and does so in a smooth, articulate style that is largely free of errors.
I’ve spent a lot of time studying effective communication and practicing it. For most of my life, I’ve been a terrible communicator, especially when I was upset. The work I’ve done over the last few years has made me a decent communicator and allowed me to know what thoughts are worth expressing and how to effectively express them. Some of the books that have improved my commuication skills are How to Win Friends and Influence People, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Quick & Easy Way to Effective Speaking, and The 5 Love Languages. Each of those books discuss looking at things from someone else’s perspective and trying to understand where they’re coming from, both of which are essential for good communication. I regularly use techniques from those books in my daily interactions with others, which makes them go much better than they once did. These resources have shown me that knowledge, practice, and patience can improve any skill over time, even non-physical skills. There are plenty of times in which my emotions get the best of me and I fail to apply the lessons I’ve learned to an exchange, but overall my communication skills are much better now than they once were. I plan to keep working on improving my communication as I see it as an essential element for everything I hope to accomplish in life and I want to give myself the best possible chances of succeeding.