I recently started reminiscing about an experience in high school that I’ll never forget. The event I’m about to describe brought everyone closer together through genuineness and love. While I don’t remember all the details because of how long ago it was, here’s what I do remember.
Everyone who participated (most of the high school students and faculty members) met in the gymnasium each day for the whole school week. Early on, we all split up into small groups with one faculty member to lead each group. That’s where we spent some time sharing some painful past experiences in the following form: “If you really knew me, you’d know ______.” The most powerful activity came next. Everyone in the room stood in one long line, side-by-side. The mediator asked anyone who had experienced a particular hardship in life to walk over to the wall and face everyone who didn’t walk over. Those who stayed put then made gestures of love and support toward those who did walk over. This was repeated many times, with lots of people walking more than once. Toward the end, there were opportunities for anyone to stand up and share their stories in front of everyone else. Just as in the previous activity, those who did share were met with lots of support and comfort.
It was incredible to experience all of that. I felt shocked after learning the painful experiences that many of my schoolmates had lived through, especially from those who were casual acquaintances. The entire event was free of judgment, condemnation, mockery, scorn, shaming, and everything else along those lines. Instead, there was an abundance of love, support, connection, acceptance, and peace. Lots of tears fell during that week, both from those who shared their pain and those who heard about it. Everyone who participated in that event became closer and kinder to each other during that week and for a while after. I wish something like it had continued regularly afterward, whether at school or outside of school, so that those closer bonds would have lasted.
Unfortunately, I haven’t found anything like this since high school. The closest I’ve gotten to it have been a few one-on-one conversations with a small handful of humans whose willingness to be vulnerable exceeded any embarrassment they felt over what they shared. Even with those rare individuals, however, as soon as they got back into a group situation, they fell right back into the common practices of gossip, shallow exchanges, forcing jokes into almost every sentence, laughing at things that aren’t funny, and keeping their attention anywhere other than in the present moment. Since almost nobody is willing to consistently go deep into their upbringing and life before we met and how that shaped who they are today, it often seems as if I’m surrounded by strangers, even when they’re people I’ve known for many years.
While humans almost always fall short in this kind of genuineness, animals excel at it. My dog Sawyer was the only friend I’ve had who was consistently genuine, sweet, gentle, patient, loving, and lacking in all of the negative traits that plague human interactions. He also did this without saying every mean thing that popped into his head, which is what some humans think they have to do in the name of “honesty.” The more cruel and shallow human interactions I observe, the more I miss hanging out with Sawyer.
What a world we’d have if every place humans interact had something like this on a regular basis. It’d be much harder to act in hatred and much easier to act in love. Longstanding problems could be resolved quickly and permanently. New challenges could be effectively handled together. Although I’ve long given up trying to make the whole world like this and also largely given up trying to make every interaction I have turn into this, I do believe there are still such interactions out there. I look forward to finding them and benefitting from them at least as much as I did in high school, if not more.