When I think about things in my life that I either regret doing or wish I had done, I tend to be quite hard on myself. I often think (and sometimes even say) that I used to be a terrible person, was cruel, a jerk, etc. It’s not until recently that I realized how destructive that is and how much better it is to be kind to my past self. After all, I know a lot more now than I knew then, and, as they say, knowing is half the battle. Even after I learned about better ways to get the results I wanted, I still had to learn how to put that knowledge into practice and then make sure that I actually followed through with it. Each of those steps has been increasingly more difficult than the previous step and I think the third step will always be the most difficult for me. Regardless of where I’m at in life, as long as I’m always doing my best, I’m on the right track.
Something I try to keep in mind is that I got to be who I am now because of my past actions. No matter what I did back then, it lead me toward everything I’ve learned and everything I have going for me at this point in my life. The decisions I’m glad I made turned me onto a lot of good things and did a great deal to teach me what works; the decisions I often wish I had avoided taught me what doesn’t work and created situations and consequences that I’m now much more determined to avoid. This combination of positive and negative consequences has shaped my thoughts, words, and actions in such a way that I now appreciate who I used to be and the lessons I learned along the way. Appreciating and accepting who I used to be is an important step on my quest to make peace with my past. The more I can do that, the less likely I’ll be to repeat my mistakes, get stuck in painful situations, or otherwise end up stuck in cycles of negativity.
Being hard on myself, whether my current self or my past self, makes it more difficult to make progress and continually practice the good stuff I’ve found. Also, plenty of other people have treated me roughly and given me a hard time; I don’t want to be one of those people, so I’m going to be kind to myself. When I think back to my past self, I see someone who was hurting (without even realizing it for the most part) and in need of help. I try to be kind to other people who are hurting and in need of help, so why not treat myself this way? I think that gentle guidance rather than harsh correction is the best way to help other people get where they want to be in life and I think that that also applies to me. If you also tend to be hard on yourself, I recommend trying this approach and seeing what it does for you. It’s made it much easier for me to love myself and brought healing to some areas that desperately need it, and I hope it does the same for you.