For most of my life, I’ve had a difficult time taking instructions from other people. This is especially true when someone tries to give me advice against my will or make me do something a certain way. However, even when I actively seek out someone to teach me something, I still occasionally feel a bit of resentment and a desire to do things my way. I think part of this comes from how my formative years involved a lot of people telling me what to do, giving me no room to negotiate or find an alternative course of action, and punishing me if I didn’t comply.
I also think that my ego plays a role in this by making me think that I know better than anyone else and don’t need their advice. As you can imagine, this has caused me a lot of problems. It’s taken me a long time and a lot of work, but I’m now much better able to sidestep my ego and receive positive instruction from others, especially when their delivery is gentle. Sometimes I even actively seek out corrections. For example, I’ve improved a lot at swing dancing because I’ve asked for help time and time again; whenever I’ve gotten a useful recommendation, I’ve then practiced it repeatedly until it became a habit. I still ask for feedback on dance moves I’ve done for a while now as an occasional “tune-up” ensures I’m still doing it right and gives me the chance to fix it if I’m not.
Being on the other side of the knowledge exchange by teaching things to other people has made it easier for me to give the benefit of the doubt to those who teach me. For instance, although I’ve taught several people how to juggle, how to juggle better, or how to juggle a certain trick, I always make sure they want my advice before giving it to them. If they start off by asking me for help, then it’s clear they do want some input. If they don’t ask me for help, I might ask if I can share something with them; if they say no, I’ll keep it to myself. This has also generally been the approach of those who have taught me something or helped me improve at it. When someone is giving me advice, sometimes I know their intentions and sometimes I don’t. Either way, responding as if they’re coming from a good place creates a positive outcome, allows me to find value in their words, and makes me more likely to follow their advice if it proves useful.
I (usually) appreciate getting another perspective on what I’m doing because it provides an opportunity for me to improve. I don’t notice a lot of things that I’m doing unconsciously, habitually, or in a different way than I think I’m doing them. Beyond that, I don’t know how my actions are coming across to other people unless they tell me. So when someone points out an area where I have room for improvement that I can’t see, it gives me an opportunity to fix something that would otherwise be neglected. I’m always trying to improve myself and get better at the things I love to do, so I’ve learned to accept and appreciate useful feedback that helps me be the best version of myself that I can be.