Two women came into my job yesterday and asked if we had jumper cables. I didn’t see any laying around, so I said they could use mine before going to my car and driving to where they were parked. A guy was there (I think he was boyfriend to one of them) and he hooked up the cables once I pulled into position. I thought he might have connected them incorrectly so I took one off and pulled up an Art of Manliness video on how to jump start a car. This apparently upset him as he completely disconnected the cables and held them out to me. I stared either at him or the cables and stayed quiet while he told me repeatedly to take them back. I don’t remember exactly what I said but he said this wasn’t his first rodeo (which I could neither confirm nor deny since I had just met him and had no knowledge of his competence with anything) and seemed to not like what I was doing. So I took the cables back, apologized to the women who were with him, said I hope they’re not stranded too long (he said they won’t be since he had insurance), parked my car, and went back to work.
I was steaming mad but I immediately started helping one of my coworkers with a project, talked with a few other coworkers, and assisted some customers; all of this calmed me down a lot. As I did that stuff, I used whatever life hacks came to mind and made an extra effort to treat others well for additional stress relief. On my lunch break, I listened to “Don’t Worry Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin, which gave me the greatest feeling of relaxation that I’d had that day. After the song ended, I thought about the earlier experience with a much clearer head and I think I figured out the lesson it was meant to teach me: controlling my ego when I’m interacting with other people and it’s not going my way. In that situation, I got upset that he didn’t want my help and felt that he had wasted my time. I wasn’t thinking about his perspective, the kind of day he’d had, or how my actions and words might have come across to him. I was so focused on doing something nice for somebody else and being the hero (a sure sign that my ego had entered the situation) that I took his response personally and felt upset for much of that afternoon, never once stopping to consider his side. This realization took away the majority of my remaining negativity and I got rid of the rest of it on my way home by saying something good about him to myself. It felt wonderful to finally be free from that negativity and to remember that I have the ability to choose how I feel.
That experience was also a good reminder that even though I’ve made a lot of progress with this stuff, I still have plenty of room for improvement, so I should refrain from thinking of myself as some kind of super enlightened guru who has everything figured out. Although I’m much better at managing my ego than I used to be, I still slip up and (usually) realize later on that I let it get the best of me. I try to use uncomfortable situations as learning experiences and that’s worked pretty well for me, especially when I go easy on myself and avoid beating myself up over my mistakes. As long as I keep getting better, I’ll be satisfied with my progress and the knowledge that I’m on the right track with all of this.