I’ve been wanting to get away. Not by going on a trip that I think I’ll enjoy but by getting in my car and driving across the country to start a new life. My whole life has been in the same city in the same state and I’m feeling extremely uncertain about where I’m going or even where I’m at right now, so the idea of starting over in a place where I don’t know anybody and nobody knows me sounds pretty appealing. Sometimes I think that getting away will solve some of my problems. However, when I look back on the big life changes that I’ve already made (such as the many times that I’ve changed jobs and social settings), I remember that the novelty of a new environment soon wears off for me and I fall into the same rut that I was in before the change.
That perspective has made me realize that if I don’t heal from my past, I’ll just keep repeating my same behavioral patterns no matter where I am or who I’m around. I’ll be sorely disappointed if I keep the same mindsets that have held me back for years, including the expectation that other people should change to suit me; that will keep me unsatisfied and feeling like an outsider everywhere. Alternatively, I can continue working on myself and take ownership of my inner state so that I decide how I react instead of giving that power to anyone else.
Maybe that’s what this season in my life is trying to teach me. Maybe it’s saying “You know what to do, now here are several opportunities to practice it so that it becomes natural”. The journey I’m on might have caused me to be in these situations or they could have arisen even if I’d never learned anything about self-improvement. Either way, I’ll try to be patient and work through all this one day at a time. Wherever it’s taking me, I’m content to see it through to completion.