On Thursday, my mindfulness buddy mentioned driving around in silence as a mindfulness exercise and asked if I’d ever tried it. I said no and then started realizing how uncomfortable I can feel in silence (outside of floating, that is). So since then, I’ve been doing something that I never thought I could do: staying quiet when I’m by myself. In most of my regular circles, I’m known for being on the quiet side. I’m generally comfortable in conversations with someone I know well and I can talk forever about subjects that I love, but the bigger the group, the less I say. When I’m alone, however, I almost never stop talking, singing, whistling, or making some other kind of sound. I also usually listen to music, a podcast, or a speech when I’m in my car or at home. It’s been startling to realize just how rarely I have any true quiet time.
I think this has a lot to do with my internal monologue and the anxiety it causes me. Although meditating and floating have helped me quiet my mind and increased my control over my thoughts, I still find it difficult to turn off the voice in my head. I’m used to having some kind of sound around me and talking to myself is one way to maintain that familiar, comfortable experience. And, as I’m discovering, it also makes it harder for me to stay present. Turns out that it’s easier to notice what’s going on in my mind when I’m quiet.
This may be the missing piece of the puzzle that’s been staring me in the face this whole time. It’s only been a day or two since I stopped talking to myself and started enjoying the silence and I’m already reaping the benefits. Cutting out the verbal noise has helped reduce the mental noise and allowed me to channel my thinking in positive directions. And it’s actually been much easier than I anticipated. Of all the habits I’ve broken over the years, this one has probably required the least amount of effort. I’m pleasantly surprised by that and I look forward to seeing what else this practice does for me as I make it a regular part of my life.