As I’ve progressed in my self-improvement work, I’ve gradually revealed more of my personality to the people I meet, even if we only briefly cross paths. My shyness has drastically decreased as my confidence has steadily risen. Whenever I get exceptionally close to a friend, I typically remove the vast majority of my filters and show as much of who I am as possible, including showing my caring side to someone is going through a rough time. This is especially true with the people I consider to be my best friends. While this has generally gone over well, it can sometimes backfire and result in a lot of discomfort between me and someone else.
Most of the trouble I’ve had with this has either come from trying to show a great deal of concern before getting to know someone well enough or being too persistent with it even with someone I’ve known well for a good while. Several people I know have distanced themselves, mostly temporarily but permanently in a few cases, as a result of my going overboard. Fortunately, the permanent separations weren’t close friends, so there was little to no pain on my part from them. Still, they taught me an important lesson about knowing how to care for people and adjust the many elements that come with that process to match each person since what works for one person might not work for another.
Reading The 5 Love Languages has helped me a lot with this. If I know how someone prefers to receive love, then I can show them love and support in that way even if it differs from the way I prefer to receive it, which makes them more likely to appreciate and accept it. Also, knowing how much love to show is also important. When a customer at my job revealed a tragedy in his life, I gave him my sympathies and left it at that, which he seemed to appreciate. I’ve found that going above and beyond, especially with strangers, can do more harm than good. This can sometimes even be the case with friends, so I generally try to keep it short and to the point, stopping once I’ve let them know I care about them unless they signal that they want me to continue. I recently did this with a friend who experienced an unfortunate event and I think keeping it simple was just what that situation needed. I plan to continue helping people where I can, but I’m also going to keep working on doing it as effectively as possible. And I think I’m on the right track.