Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said the following quote about our ability to choose:
“In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. Ultimately, this power to choose is what defines us as human beings. We may have limited choices but we can always choose. We can choose our thoughts, emotions, moods, our words, our actions; we can choose our values and live by principles. It is the choice of acting or being acted upon.”
Being able to choose our response, as Covey indicates in the book, requires self-awareness, which, in turn, requires a high level of consciousness. I’ve learned from experience that I can’t be both lost in my thoughts and aware of my actions simultaneously. Once my ego takes over, I act automatically and without conscious awareness of what I’m doing. I then lose the ability to act according to my values and end up acting (or, more accurately, reacting) based on whatever or whoever around me exerts the strongest influence.
When I act unconsciously, in addition to being unaware of my actions, I am also indifferent to them. I generally try to treat others as I want them to treat me, but getting stuck in my mind causes me to abandon that and treat them however I feel like treating them. In that state, my emotions run high and I lose any sense of how to act properly as well as the feeling of shame for acting improperly. Since I’ve spent a lot of time examining myself and watching my thoughts over the past year, I can sometimes realize when I’m in or about to be in that state and put a stop to it; taking several deep breaths, doing an eye scramble, and trying to focus on the present moment help me snap out of it. However, if I don’t try to snap out of it, then I end up going too far and saying or doing something that I end up regretting later on once I’ve come to my senses. I still have a long way to go with regards to recognizing when my ego starts taking over and changing course before it’s too late, but I’ve gotten better at it since I started focusing on it.
A lot of stuff in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has helped with my self-awareness, especially the parts about truly listening to other people and trying to understand where they’re coming from. Trying to keep in mind the importance of not making assumptions or taking things personally as The Four Agreements advises has also proven useful. And I think The Power of Now, with the depth in which it examines mindfulness, ego, and consciousness, has been the overall most useful resource for me in this area. Each of these books has given me several life hacks that help me be more kind, patient, mindful, and self-aware. I’m grateful for these and other great works that have helped me be more self-aware and move further down the road of self-improvement.