Life without drama is my ideal. By drama, I mean that which causes more trouble than enjoyment for me and those close to me. Even if zero drama isn’t attainable, I’d like to get as close to it as I can. Here are some things that have helped me on this quest.
Broadly speaking, there are two sources of drama in my life: me and everyone else. Although I can’t do much about the second source, I can do a lot about the first. One simple thing I’ve found quite useful is to avoid dramatic works. It’s so easy to get caught up in endless amounts of dramatic TV shows, movies, books, news broadcasts, etc. Engaging with those sustains the dramatic inner programs that were handed to me at a young age as well as makes me more inclined to seek out even more drama, whether it’s through media designed for that purpose or through my interactions with others.
Speaking of my interactions with others, there is a great deal I can do with regards to my own actions. I strive to avoid talking negatively about others behind their backs, spreading rumors, being relentlessly negative, taking out my pain on others, starting fights, escalating fights, making assumptions and running with them, making sarcastic or snarky comments, manipulating others, saying cruel things, and talking endlessly about issues instead of actually resolving them. More often than not, simply not doing any of that prevents any given situation from becoming worse. It also makes me feel better whenever I take the high road as opposed to following a negative desire.
Beyond avoiding all of the above, it’s also important to avoid those who do them. Even if you never do anything from the previous paragraph, spending time around those who do some or all of it will make your life worse. If you’re not careful, you might unintentionally adopt one or more of those behaviors. For example, after spending lots of time around some folks who spoke negatively about others behind their backs, I found myself doing the same. It took realizing this, getting away from those people, and losing the desire for that behavior in order to rid myself of it. Although it still comes up at times, it hardly ever happens anymore whereas it used to happen quite frequently.
It’s been especially important for me to get away from those who, rather than resolve issues between themselves and others, choose to keep them going endlessly by fighting. To quote Eckhart Tolle, “Egos are drawn to bigger egos.” This is most easily seen when two humans who love to fight interact with each other. Two individuals I used to know took this to the extreme. Not even the smallest, simplest issue could be talked through peacefully, especially with one individual in particular. Instead of taking a civil approach to a disagreement, she’d escalate the situation into a fight in which she’d ramble, rant, and curse at length (the longest I saw went on for over 40 minutes) while constantly interrupting and making negative assumptions about what the other person was saying instead of hearing them out. All the while complaining about being “burnt out,” which, if she actually was burnt out, she wouldn’t have been able to fight. My life is infinitely more peaceful without her and everyone else who uses their trauma as an endless excuse to hurt others instead of healing that deep-seated pain so that they no longer hurt themselves or anyone else.
Earlier in this post, I said there isn’t much that can be done about the second source of drama. One thing that can be done is to set boundaries against those whose primary purpose in life appears to be to create drama. That either prevents me from receiving their negativity or at least minimizes it. This is a much better option than attempting to persuade or even force them to change their behavior; doing that has almost never succeeded, but it has kept me on the receiving end of a lot of pain and negativity.
Fortunately, there are still some humans who lift up others with their words, help people where they can, don’t share someone’s private information without permission, make jokes at nobody’s expense, can civilly work through issues with those close to them, and, if they can’t make a situation better, they at least avoid making it worse. Those kinds of humans bring out the best in everyone around them and make the world better. They are wonderful alternatives to those who make the world worse.
As I’ve likely mentioned in multiple past posts, I have no patience at this point in my life for relentlessly negative humans. Losing my dog Sawyer made me immensely more vulnerable to pain and also removed the greatest source of unconditional love I’ve ever known. Without him, the slings and arrows of the negative folks hit harder and take longer to remove. Even with all of the healing work I’ve done, I still find myself more susceptible to that stuff than I’d like to be. As such, I avoid the dramatic folks as much as possible. I feel thankful to have as much leeway as I do in that regard. I hope that continuing my healing journey will allow me to fare better when I do cross paths with one or more extremely negative humans and am unable to leave them right away. At this rate, I believe that is exactly how it will go, and I look forward to it.