Although I try to avoid it, I find myself getting jealous once in a while. Jealous at those with more time and money to do the things they love, jealous of people who are further down the road of self-improvement than I am, or jealous of others having a good time without me. The more I’ve thought about this, the more I’ve been able to find possible causes of this feeling and seek out remedies for it.
As I mentioned above, jealousy is simply a feeling I create within myself. It’s caused by my reaction to events outside of me rather than being caused by the events themselves. In many cases, I think it comes down to resenting someone for being successful or feeling happy instead of being glad for them or acquiring those things in my own life; when I feel jealous, I’m making a decision to find fault in someone else and not take responsibility for my own decisions.
I’m still working on this, but I’ve found several life hacks that have helped control my jealous feelings. One of the most useful resources for me is this video from Charisma on Command. Charlie, the host, uses events from his life to illustrate the techniques he used to overcome the issues that were dragging him down and keeping him stuck in a bad place. The video is just over 20 minutes long, so it’s easy to watch it repeatedly or reference specific parts of it without spending as much time as is required by some of the other resources. The Power of Now has been another essential resource for me this year. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve listened to it and I really should listen to it again soon. I need regular reminders of how crafty and insecure my ego is and that it is the source of my discontentment. Focusing on being present gives me a welcome relief from negative thinking and all the harm it brings with it.
Along similar lines, I frequently think about The Four Agreements, especially “Don’t Take Anything Personally” and “Don’t Make Assumptions”. It’s easy to jump to conclusions about why someone said this or that and why they did something without me, but I really don’t know their reasons for doing so. All speculating about the situation does is make me feel worse about myself and them, so it’s better to avoid it altogether. Stephen Covey’s wisdom in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, especially the parts about rescripting and having the ability to choose how to react in the space between stimulus and response, has also been incredibly useful. Lastly, learning how to find joy and contentment even when I’m alone has helped me a lot. This requires depending less on other people, which makes it easier to spend time away from them without feeling lonely or jealous. If I had to sum everything in this post up in one phrase, I suppose it would be that I’ve gotten better at being alone without feeling lonely. I’m still working on it, so I do occasionally lapse into feelings of loneliness and jealousy, but I’ve definitely seen improvement since I started working on this stuff. If you can relate to this, then I hope this post helps you and that you can find out what works for you in overcoming these negative feelings. Thank you and I’ll see you next time.