Pushing people away leads to isolation. Sometimes this is part of routine self-care, as when taking steps back from socializing to recharge. Other times, it’s done unintentionally by consistently acting in ways that prompt others to disassociate. Whatever its cause, isolation brings with it opportunities to work through deep-seated issues that are difficult or impossible to resolve when surrounded by other people.
Often referred to as the dark night of the soul, these are times when everything seems to be falling apart. They’re always accompanied by the sense that “This isn’t working for me anymore”. Though these occasions can be difficult, they allow time to rest, examine oneself, and see what needs to be changed. If the underlying issues can be identified and resolved, then they, along with the problems they create, will cease to exist and a great deal of peace will take their place.
I’ve had several dark nights of the soul over the past few years; they seem to come around every few years for me. I’m going through one now that involves getting away from people pleasing and finding who I am beyond what I can do for other people. This doesn’t mean I’m now living with no regard for others. It means that I’m finding how to live in healthy ways with both myself and other people, rather than totally sacrificing myself in the hopes of making someone else feel slightly better. One major change I’ve made along these lines is to avoid taking responsibility for someone else’s journey. Unfortunately, even if they know the causes of their struggles, they may not do what it takes to avoid repeating those vicious cycles. Not everyone is going to get it and I’m learning to let them decide for themselves.
I feel like I’ve been making up for lost time this year, especially when it comes to rest, leisure, visiting with my friends, and spending time with my pup. Whenever I think that I should be “doing more”, I remind myself that I can’t pour from an empty cup. Aside from taking better care of myself and working through deep-seated issues, I’m doing what I can to build my future. There’s a lot of uncertainty right now about how that’ll look and how I’ll get there. I’m working on embracing that uncertainty rather than stressing over it. When I look back on this time in six months, a year, and several years from now, I hope it’ll be to recognize how crucial it was to my success even though I couldn’t fully see it at the time. That’s what I keep telling myself as I lay the foundations today for a better tomorrow.