Watching myself change brings up a lot of mixed emotions. Overall, it’s been a relief to feel increasingly deeper peace, let go of most of my anxiety, and learn more about who I am. Sometimes, though, it’s shocking to consider some of the changes. This is especially the case with things I once believed that I no longer do as well as things I now believe that I never thought I would. Lots of things seemed so certain to me until they didn’t. That’s part of the growing process; finding more pieces of the puzzle brings increasing nuance and understanding.
Sometimes I wonder what people who know me or used to know me think about these changes, if they’re even aware of them. I haven’t worried much about this since I decided that I’ve gotta keep growing and improving even if someone dislikes the direction I’ve gone. Giving myself that permission was incredibly freeing. Talking about my journey helps me find people with similar ideas and journeys. It’s also shown me that some people I’ve known for most of my life and knew me when I was quite different are surprisingly ok with the way my life has gone. This may be because I feel increasingly more comfortable being myself as I go. Being myself makes people feel comfortable to be themselves around me and vice versa.
Several people I know have told me that I’ve put into words something they’ve experienced but haven’t been able to describe. That always feels awesome to hear and it’s one reason I keep sharing my ideas through writing. On that note, I’m glad I started and maintained this blog. It’s served as a record of my ever-changing life philosophy. That philosophy will keep changing and there’ll be inconsistencies, and that’s fine. I don’t know if it’s possible for my ideas to be 100% consistent. There are certainly inconsistencies between what I once believed and what I now believe; that’ll also be the case between what I believe now and what I believe later in life, whatever that ends up being. I look forward to continuing this journey and seeing where it takes me.