I do my best to avoid judging the emotions I feel throughout the day. On my best days, I apply this to other people as well. It’s easy to make quick judgments, especially when someone does something I dislike. When I avoid judging, instead of thinking “That guy is an idiot,” I may simply observe what happened or think “I don’t like what he did”. This brings me more peace and reminds me that I don’t have to let other people affect my emotions; it’s up to me rather than the other person to decide how I respond.
There’s a difference between feelings and judgments. Judgments come from the mind whereas feelings occur in the body. Left unaddressed, the energy behind those feelings becomes thoughts, judgments, and stories. Staying stuck in any or all of those makes it almost impossible to solve problems because it prevents the emotions from being addressed and released. Tuning into the emotions dissolves the obstructions and allows the emotions to pass when they’re ready. It then becomes possible to effectively address whatever problems you’re facing.
In difficult situations, especially ones involving conflicts, it’s much more effective to stick to emotions rather than judgments. “I feel hurt” comes across quite differently than “You’re a jerk”. Additionally, the emotion is always true while the judgment is purely an opinion; two people may disagree on whether or not someone is a jerk but there can’t be honest disagreement about whether or not someone feels hurt. Focusing on emotions and behavior rather than judgmental accusations allows for true connection and makes it more likely for there to be a resolution.
As simple as this is to understand, it isn’t always easy to remember and apply. It can be hard to avoid getting sucked into the story. When I’m on point, I can observe what’s going through my mind rather than be overtaken by it, tune in to what’s happening in my body, and focus on whatever emotions are coming up. On more difficult days, I tend to get overrun by whatever my mind created out of thin air. This is still pretty new for me and I’m still working on it, but I take comfort in the fact that it’s getting easier with practice.