If you’ve read any of my past posts on surrender, you might be wondering what the difference is between dwelling on an unwanted emotion and surrendering it. That’s a good question. Although they are superficially similar in that they both involve sitting with emotions, to me there are several key differences.
With dwelling on an emotion, I think of letting it overtake me to the point that I become hopeless, desperate, and feel like I can’t do anything except wallow in that feeling. A lot of thought is dedicated to that emotion and there is plenty of resistance alongside the desire for it to be gone as soon as possible; dwelling on an emotion involves trying to stuff it down, push it to the side, and get rid of it. There’s also a tendency to play certain events in my mind over and over again without much attention dedicated to the feelings.
Surrender is quite different. Surrender involves quieting my thoughts and letting my mind settle so that I’m not fixated on thinking. That allows me to examine and focus completely on the feelings underneath the thoughts. That makes it much easier to sit with the feelings and let them be there without overtaking me. Unlike dwelling, surrender doesn’t stop me from going about my day. I can surrender to different feelings as I’m doing other things: walking around, completing tasks at work, driving, engaging in my hobbies, and so on. There’s a little bit of attention devoted to letting the feelings be there but I still have plenty of attention in reserve for other tasks. Letting the feelings be there is a key part of surrender and is much more effective than resisting them or thinking something along the lines of “I hate this, this sucks, I want this to be over with as soon as possible”. I often say to the feelings “You are welcome to be here until you’re ready to leave. You’re welcome to be here as long as you like.” And sooner or later, those feelings will leave when the energy underneath them runs out. Some feelings will leave quite quickly and others will take much longer, but eventually all those negative, unwanted feelings will be gone once they’ve been given enough attention and nonresistance.
My own experience is that dwelling on negativity just makes me feel worse and doesn’t help me get over it at all. In contrast, surrender is incredibly effective at helping me move past unwanted emotions and getting me closer to feeling how I like to feel: light, happy, free, joyful, and at peace. I hope this makes sense and helps you understand the way I see the difference between dwelling on something and surrendering to it. If you’ve been dwelling on emotions for a long time, then I encourage you to try surrendering to them instead. I’d love to hear about your experiences with it if you do.