Be careful what you decide you know about other people. It’s easy to look at someone through a particular lens and think that you understand them fully. But do you truly know someone else’s intentions? Can you always determine their desires and their preferred outcomes from their actions? What if there are multiple possible explanations for why they would act or speak in a certain way? How do you know which one is right?
If you want to find out what someone thinks, start by asking them. Although that requires that they know what they think and answer honestly, it’s still a better approach than making assumptions. It’s true that they may not know their actual intentions; maybe they think they want one thing but they actually want something else. However, if even they don’t always know what they really want, how can you know it? When you can’t ask them what they think, try coming up with as many different possible explanations for their actions as possible. That way you can make the case to yourself for lots of different possibilities and won’t be stuck on any particular one. I’ve found that to be especially helpful with people who annoy me. If I can think of one or more explanations in which they do what they do because they have good intentions, then it makes it easier for me to remain open to hearing them out and avoid assuming the worst about them.
Try to give others the benefit of the doubt. This is one of the best ways to preserve your sanity and protect your mental health. And you’d surely appreciate others giving you the benefit of the doubt and giving you space to communicate your views, values, and intentions rather than assuming the worst of you. So when in doubt, ask, observe, and withhold judgment as long as possible. You’ll be glad you did.