As I’ve mentioned in many other blog posts, I feel annoyed, frustrated, sad, lonely, and hurt when others interrupt me. Getting interrupted makes me want to interact far less with those who do it, and sometimes not interact at all with those who do it a lot (especially when they do it even after I keep talking through the interruption or after I’ve said not to interrupt me). All of the reasons folks have given for interrupting (fearing they’ll forget what they want to say, growing up in a household where interrupting wasn’t seen as rude, cultural differences, a brain wiring issue, showing interest in what someone’s saying, feeling excited, and so on) don’t take away my pain of being interrupted or show any concern for the effects it has on me. Since this has been on my mind lately, I thought I’d give some reasons to avoid interrupting in the hope that it will result in better listening on everyone’s part and less frustration on my part. Without further ado, here they are.
- It lets you craft better responses. I can’t tell you how many times somebody has interrupted me because they thought they knew where I was going only for their guess to be completely wrong. The most notable was when I declined to dance with someone at a swing dance event, started talking about how I’d had a juggling gig the previous night, and the person cut in with an assumption that I felt tired from the gig. What I was going to say, and did say afterward, is that I got to juggle some cool light-up clubs at the gig. That example shows how, contrary to popular belief, you can’t actually know where someone is going in a conversation until they get there. You might sometimes guess right, just as you will sometimes guess wrong, and if you only remember the right guess while ignoring the wrong guesses, you might start thinking that you can predict what they’ll say and respond based on that assumption. In reality, until someone finishes talking, your suspicion of what they’ll say is only just a guess. Instead of interrupting because you assume you know what will come next, keep listening to see if you’re right. You might confirm your suspicions, or you might be surprised if things take a turn that you didn’t see coming. Either way, you’ll now have enough information to properly respond to what they’ve actually said rather than cutting them off due to assuming you know what they’re going to say because you think you can read their mind.
- It’s respectful. Regardless of the reasons behind the interruption, interrupting comes across as if you care more about what you want to say than what someone else is already saying. It’s also considered extremely rude in many households, regions, and cultures to interrupt in non-emergency situations. Letting others finish what they’re saying demonstrates respect for them and their speech, and respect is one of the most important elements of any kind of relationship. My dog Sawyer was better at listening than most other humans I’ve met. I wish everyone would take a page from him and copy how he listened to me without interruption (most of the time) whenever I spoke to him.
- It teaches you more. You’d be amazed at what folks will say when given the space to do so. Unfortunately, most folks are too busy interrupting and thinking about what they’re going to say next to actually listen to what is being said. You learn far more by listening than by speaking, and since you can’t both listen to understand what someone is saying while simultaneously saying anything intelligible, interrupting prevents you from learning more about who you’re listening to. In many cases, simply listening to what someone is saying will bring answers to several of the questions you have, especially with those who need hardly any prompting on a subject before talking at length about it. This is much easier on both of you than interrupting every time you think of a question that was likely going to be answered in the next minute anyway. So next time you’re around somebody, give them the chance to finish their thoughts. You just might be surprised by what they say.
- It lets you practice patience. Patience is important for healthy living, and a great deal of patience is required to stay quietly listening to someone when all you want to do is say what you’re thinking while they’re still speaking. As with everything else, patience gets easier the more you practice it. Interrupting someone reduces patience and makes it harder to stay quiet while someone else is talking the next time you feel the urge to interrupt. If you interrupt out of fear of forgetting what you want to say if you don’t, then you can make notes and practice mnemonics to remember what you want to say when your next turn comes. That will allow everyone to contribute to the conversation and make it easier to patiently wait for your turn, and patience is a skill which will help you out in every area of your life.
- It chills out the conversation. So many conversations move at breakneck speed nowadays, with nearly everyone involved appearing to feel anxious. Some reasons for that anxiety include possibly forgetting what they’ll say, wanting to respond right away, fearing that they won’t get to say something before someone else jumps in, and hoping that others don’t think negatively toward them. Avoiding interrupting is one way to slow everything down to a more relaxed pace. This reduces anxiety in everyone, gives you all time to think about what’s been said (and thereby craft better responses, in the spirit of the first entry in this post), makes it easier to get clarification rather than running on negative assumptions, and makes you less likely to forget what you want to say. In a world that seems to be moving ever faster, slowing down, letting others finish their sentences, and taking it easier are all more important than ever.