Effective conversation can be difficult at times. There are many ways for conversations to go off the rails, even if they start off smoothly. Fortunately, there are also many ways to get them back on track or keep them from going off track in the first place. Here are some simple things that create and sustain effective conversations.
- Bring peace to the conversation by talking more slowly. This can make everyone feel at ease and allow for more enjoyable interactions than when there is a lot of nervous energy from fast talking. Along these lines, pause for at least two seconds after someone finishes talking to see if they’re through or are just catching their breath or gathering their thoughts before they continue speaking. This also allows what has just been said to sink in and stand a better chance of sticking with the listeners. Additionally, having longer pauses (anywhere from ten seconds to several minutes) when the conversation naturally dies down creates a wonderful opportunity to bond. More can often be learned about someone through silence than through speaking. It’s a shame more people don’t ever get the chance to learn about each other that way.
- Allow everyone to converse in their own way. This includes refraining from hurrying anyone along, finishing someone’s sentences (unless they’re stuck searching for a word and have asked for help), pressuring anyone to answer right away, asking multiple questions before the first one is answered, or interrupting stories by asking questions that will likely be answered naturally over the course of the story. When everyone brings their own unique style and personality to the table, exchanges become more interesting, unpredictable, and, likely, rewarding. All of that is lost when one or more participants attempts to make everyone converse a certain way.
- Talk about things every participant wants to talk about. When two or more people are talking at length about things they love but which don’t resonate with one or more participants, that can be extremely lonely for whoever is left out. On the many occasions I’ve found myself in those situations, I’ve often wondered what the point of me even being there was. This is less likely to happen in small groups and in situations where there is some clear shared interest, such as at a sports event or a comic convention. So, if there’s someone in a group who hasn’t said anything for a long stretch of time, shift the conversation by asking them about something they enjoy. They still may prefer to listen rather than speak but at least this invitation gives them the chance to engage and moves the whole encounter closer to finding something that everyone can enjoy discussing.
- Think like a dog. Anyone who’s spent time around dogs knows that they are masters of making everyone feel seen, welcomed, and loved. While any given dog may have preferred humans, they’ll still show love and kindness to all those around them, at least once they feel comfortable around new folks. My dog Sawyer always did this for me and made some of my loneliest times much less lonely. Even though dogs have a leg up (or, rather, several legs) in this regard, humans can still vastly improve their interactions by taking a lead from man’s best friend.