In just a few days, 2023 will be over. As is the case at the end of every year, I’m reflecting on all that happened over the course of this one. Although 2023 was fairly quiet for me, enough still happened to warrant a review of it. Here we go.
Finally, a nice year. This was the best year I’ve had since 2019. While there were many nice things in 2019 that were absent from this year, as well as some unpleasant things this year that weren’t present in 2019, 2023 was still a breath of fresh air. Three grueling years in a row, each one more painful than the last, made me long for a break. I don’t know how I’d have handled four consecutive bad years. Fortunately, I didn’t have to find out. That was a tremendous relief.
There have been some years in which my life situation changed significantly, whether for better or worse. One example is 2018, my favorite and best year ever. In addition to being a lovely break from the painful nightmare that was 2017, I also made a lot of positive changes that put me in a great position in life. This year was different. Aside from the release of a huge amount of emotional pain and picking up magic as a new hobby, not much changed for me in 2023. Instead, it was mostly a peaceful year that gave me plenty of chances to rest, take it easy, and finish recovering from the pain of 2022. That’s just what I needed. Not every year has to involve tons of progress in every area of life. Some are simple, easy years that provide time to recharge. Turns out that 2023 was that year for me. Although I still pursued many things that I love, I stayed much closer to home and kept more to myself than I have in years past. As a result, I feel much better now than I have in a long time.
While I’m not starting over from nothing in every area of my life, I am doing that in a few areas. Everything and everyone I’ve lost these past few years, changes in my values, and some other major shifts have nearly sent me back to square one. Fortunately, I’m now in a position to reverse that gradual decline. I’ve already taken big steps this month toward greater prosperity, and I’m going to take even bigger steps next month. Additionally, having lots of time away from abusive humans has allowed me to heal, release many of the negative programs that made me fall prey to them so often in the past, and develop better boundaries. Those all give me greater hope for a future that steers clear of the harmful patterns of the past.
I found it much easier than usual this year to get into the Christmas spirit. Nothing in particular immediately jumps out at me as an obvious cause of this. I think the most likely cause is the emotional freedom from all the pain I’ve released over the last few years. Despite several unexpected issues leading up to and on Christmas Day, I still enjoyed the season much more than I have in recent memory and had a nicer Christmas than I thought I’d get. That was a lovely surprise. I hope that this is the case for future Christmases as well.
This is my first full calendar year without my dog Sawyer. Although he died over a year and a half ago, I still had him for the first few months of 2022. Sadly, I didn’t have him at all in 2023. It’s been so difficult without him, and this year was no exception. Now that 2023 is nearly over, I hope that continuing to work through the remaining pain will make each year I have left a bit easier and less painful. I also continue to hope to be reunited with him after I die and that we can live together forever in perfect peace and love.
Even though 2023 hasn’t ended yet, I’m already missing it and the many wonderful experiences that came with it. I can finally breathe easily again. It’s been so long since I could do that consistently. So much has changed, both in my own life and in the larger world. I felt afraid for a long time that I’d be unexpectedly hurt in ways from which I couldn’t recover, especially without Sawyer and other familiarities to comfort me. That fear is largely gone. The amount that remains has diminished to the point that I’m ready to step out again in larger ways. Even though that frightens me, it also makes me feel excited to see how it will unfold. Many of the most enjoyable experiences of my life were things I stumbled into. I’m sure that will continue. However, the intentional steps I’ve taken have always brought me to incredible places. I look forward to seeing where they take me next year.