What do you do when you feel bad? Do you swallow your pride and ask for help, or do you tell yourself it’s not a big deal and keep it to yourself? Do you put on a happy face and try to “be yourself” around your friends? Is it worth it to let your guard down and show them that you’re hurting?
What are the rules for acting vulnerable around other people, and how did they become the rules in the first place? Are we truly ourselves in public or do we just act like “ourselves”? Do we cultivate an image, a persona of how we want others to see us and wear that persona like a costume whenever we go out? To put ourselves out there, to wear our true face, is to risk being rejected. If someone rejects the persona, at least they’re not rejecting us.
If we’re comfortable enough to be ourselves when nobody else is around, then however we are when we’re alone must be how we truly are. If there’s a difference between how we are when we’re alone than when we’re around others, then there is some degree of “acting” going on in the latter scenario: acting like we’re ok, acting like we want to be there, acting like a fun person, acting like nothing is wrong, etc. Why is this so common? Why does anyone care what strangers think about them? And if someone is around friends, why is it still often difficult to open up to them and be vulnerable? Surely one’s friends are going to be accepting and loving even when things are going badly, right? Right?
There is power in the spoken word. Whatever is said can be forgiven if the receiver is willing but nothing that is said can be taken back. Perhaps there is the concern that speaking about negative feelings will make them stronger or make them obvious to others when they were previously invisible. Perhaps there is the thought that it’s better to suffer in silence than to drag others down that path. If so, how did it get to this? How did it get to a point that we have to hide ourselves and our feelings from even the people closest to us? How did it become acceptable to have a veil of mystery and dishonesty covering nearly every interaction? How did it become commonplace to talk more about the weather than about our hopes, dreams, desires, concerns, doubts, and fears? And, more importantly, how do we change it?