When it comes to meeting new people, some appear to be naturals at it. They open up right away, jump headfirst into a conversation, and act like they’re reconnecting with an old friend. I’m not like that. I’m much more comfortable meeting someone if I’m in a situation where I can do something other than simply talk to them. For example, I feel no shyness most of the time at work when I help a customer load up their purchase because I get to move heavy objects around while we talk. That helps me avoid thinking too much about what I say or what they might be thinking about me. This is also the case when I’m playing a sport, swing dancing, or juggling with someone else.
If I start a conversation with someone I’ve just met without doing something with them first, there are typically a lot of awkward silences and questions about work; I prefer to avoid both of those whenever possible, especially in introductory conversations. In contrast, when I meet someone in a situation where we start off with an activity that takes up most of our focus (even something that’s not very physical like a board game), I feel more relaxed and have an easier time socializing without feeling nervous or unsure of myself. This makes the exchange go much easier for both of us and avoids a lot of the awkwardness in situations that begin with a conversation.
I think this comes down to the fact that I rarely feel comfortable talking to someone if I don’t have a feel for their personality. Once I have an idea of how they act and find them likable, I feel much more at ease and then look forward to talking with them. I’ve met many of my closest friends through swing dancing and I don’t think I’d feel nearly as comfortable around them if we had met at a networking event or some other situation with a lot of talking and almost no fun activities. Realizing all of this has given me some great life hacks for avoiding awkwardness and becoming a better communicator, and I’m grateful for the major life improvements that have followed from making those changes.