Trust is a very tricky thing for me. On the one hand, I generally trust people easily. Sometimes too much and too soon. On the other hand, a lot of occurrences in my life have made me quite suspicious at times of any given person’s motivations, which can lead to trust issues. I haven’t yet sorted out that contradiction but I’m sure I will someday. With that said, here are some things that someone can do to earn and keep my trust, as well as some ways they can break and lose it.
For starters, there has to be certainty that they have my best interests in mind. They can show this by demonstrating that they understand my concerns after listening to me long enough to get a feel for where I’m coming from, what I want, and what I need. This requires that they take my concerns seriously rather than dismiss them.
They can also make it clear that they care about me and are not attempting to control me or force me to do something, especially for any personal benefit it might bring them. If everything they’re doing is motivated by love and concern for me, then their actions will show it. That’s why they stick to the truth and acknowledge when they’re wrong. And when they slip up, they always attempt to do better next time and they succeed far more often than they fail. Someone who can do all of that is worthy of my trust.
Someone can lose my trust include by making it seem as if they don’t care about me, such as by misrepresenting my concerns (especially intentionally). Few things break my trust in someone faster than someone either not taking my concerns seriously or ignoring them entirely by immediately turning the focus onto themselves. Speaking to me in an aggressive fashion, calling me names, and otherwise insulting me will also cause me to lose trust in them. All of that makes it seem as if they’re trying to control me and make me do something for their own gain rather than for my well-being.
Another huge trust breaker for me involves responding poorly when it’s revealed that they regularly lie or are consistently wrong. If someone often lies or makes claims which repeatedly turn out to be false and refuses to own up to it, I lose any and all trust I had in them. Similarly, I stop trusting someone who demonstrates a pattern of making bad decisions without showing any intention to stop and start making good decisions instead. I’ve known too many people like that and I am through keeping them around.
Unfortunately, far too many people can and do blindly trust those who haven’t shown any concern for their well-being. This happens a lot with people in positions of “authority” and, in some cases, can actually become a logical fallacy called appeal to authority. Although that kind of trust ought to quickly break down if not backed up by anything that warrants trusting those people, it somehow manages to persist. All of this brings me to the questions of who do you trust and why do you trust them? Let me know and I will see you in the next post.