In 2019, I wrote about some of my takeaways from Joker immediately after seeing the movie. I go so much out of that movie that still sticks with me to this day. Rewatching it at home earlier this year took me back to seeing it for the first time in theaters many years ago and reminded me of how much humans affect each other in their interactions. Unfortunately, while I got a lot out of Joker, it seems almost nobody else did. Here’s what I mean by that.
Nobody seems to have learned the central message of Joker: treating those most in need of help like trash, in addition to being awful, makes life worse for everyone. It still hurts to think of all the cruelty that escalated or was created less than six months after that movie was released and is still going on to this day. Impatience, yelling, hostility, violence, separation, refusal to listen and understand, etc. The things that some folks will do and say to each other shocks me. It’s worse now than at any other time in my life, and it seems to get worse every year.
As usual, the media did its fair share of harm here. Rather than look at what the movie had to say, media outlets seemed more interested in endlessly predicting violence at screenings prior to the movie’s release. As they often do when they’re wrong, they issued no retractions or apologies when nothing happened, made no changes to their practices moving forward, learned nothing from the movie’s message, and continued demonizing both the film and those who might get something out of it while working overtime to cause further division among humans.
The oddest part is how much of that cruelty is coming from those who were (and sometimes still are) talking about love triumphing over hatred. Joker premiered in October of 2019. For several years leading up to 2019, there had been some relative peace after a huge wave of hatred. For the last four years, that hatred and cruelty have come back with a vengeance. At this point, those who were once talking so much about love seem to only give that to certain arbitrary groups of humans; anyone outside those groups receives only scorn, mockery, violence, attempts to destroy their livelihood, or some combination of the above. If that’s their idea of love, then I’d hate to see what they think constitutes hatred.
What saddens me the most about all this is that I’ve seen it in a number of humans I know. Whether I saw only small glimpses of it in them during years past or none of it at all, it hurts to see it in full force now. I thought better of them, and I hope they turn over a new leaf before the hatred fully engulfs them. I also hope that this won’t infect anyone else I know, whether I’ve known them for a short time or a long time. That’s why I’m being more careful about who I get close to. A good rule of thumb I’ve heard in the romantic world is that it’s wise to see someone in every season of the year and every season of life (health, sickness, rich, poor, good mood, bad mood, things going well, things going poorly) instead of rushing in to marry them. The same applies for becoming close friends with someone and trusting them fully.
I’m hesitant to welcome new humans into my life at this point, even as acquaintances. I’ve gotten hurt deeply enough and often enough by those who said they cared about me yet acted in ways that gradually made me realize they didn’t to fear almost everyone, including those I already know. Thus, I tend to keep mostly to myself, say little, and stick to subjects that are relatively safe (meaning that a difference of opinion won’t result in someone yelling, hitting me, or wanting to no longer have anything to do with me). Whether I’m in a good or bad place emotionally, I want to avoid feeling worse by being around cruel humans. Since I never know who will be cruel from the start, turn cruel later on, or reveal cruelty that was previously hidden, this can create a great deal of loneliness. I’d take that loneliness, though, over being constantly baffled and largely disappointed by most humans I’ve come across.
Calling this “the human condition” does nothing useful. At best, it’s a poor attempt to explain what’s going on and why it’s happened for so much of human history. At worst, it treats it as inevitable and guarantees that it will continue happening by discouraging anyone from putting forth any serious effort at finding solutions to longstanding problems. In either case, I’ve always found it unsatisfactory and continue looking for other options.
It was hard enough dealing with this stuff when the world made a little more sense than it currently does. It’s much harder now that it’s gone totally off the rails and my dog Sawyer isn’t around to comfort me and make me a better human anymore. Fortunately, I have a number of close friends who have repeatedly shown that they care about me and are trustworthy in all seasons of life. Whether I’m in a good season and they’re in a bad season, vice versa, or we’re both in the same boat, we are there for each other. Along with the emotional healing, healthy eating, and beard care I’ve done, my friends have helped change my 2024 from a year that is incredibly rocky to incredibly stable. That’s making it easier to address the deepest emotional pain, plan for my future, and take positive steps toward a better life in all areas.
This is all reminiscent of the show After Life. It follows a man who struggling with deep grief, depression, anger, and sorrow over his wife’s death. No matter where he is in his journey or how he’s doing in any given moment, he still gets lots of love and support from those close to him. The love and support I’ve received from a handful of solid humans and animals is a big part of what has allowed me to continue as well as I have since Sawyer’s death. As I’m rewatching it now, it’s also helping me have more compassion toward myself and gently identify behaviors in myself that I’d rather change. I’m not holding my breath that this will change the world for the better. Those days are long gone for me. I am hoping that it will continue making my small pocket of the world a bit nicer for me and those close to me. We’ll see how that goes.