I don’t know why, but I’ve felt off as of late. I’ve gotten frustrated more easily than usual, felt distant from people with whom I’m normally close, and ended up spending more time by myself (which I’ve enjoyed, so I don’t think I’m craving interaction or missing it when it doesn’t happen). When I’ve spent a good amount of time around others, I notice myself acting in ways that make me wonder if I’m headed in a good direction. I suppose the fact that I’ve noticed this and thought about it is a sign that I’m doing ok, or at least better than I was a few years ago; if I didn’t have any doubts about what I’ve been doing, that would probably be an indicator of trouble.
Maybe this is a phase I’m going through as I move away from compulsive people pleasing and I haven’t found the golden mean between sticking up for myself and being a pushover. There may be a lot of disingenuous people around me and I’m just not playing along anymore. I could be stressed from some of the big changes I’m experiencing right now and unintentionally taking it out on others. As I’m trying to be myself all the time, maybe I’m finding out how much time I spent trying to be who others expected me to be and it’s taking me a while to get comfortable not doing that. Or maybe I’ve been neglecting to practice what I preach and should return to doing so. It’s probably a combination of one or more of those things. I’ll find out as I continue observing myself and seeing what behavioral changes I need to make.
This is the first time in a while that I’ve felt uncertain about whether or not I’m on the right track. Once I figure out what’s going on, I’m sure I’ll be able to get back to a good place with all of this. If anything, this shows that knowing may be half the battle, but acting on that knowledge is crucial. I haven’t really talked about this with anyone, so I don’t know if anyone has noticed a change in my behavior or if they’ve also felt off lately. How about you? Have you noticed yourself feeling or acting differently within the past month or two? I’m interested to know if this is something that’s affected a lot of people, so please let me know if you’ve noticed this in yourself or someone you know. If so, I hope whatever’s going on ends soon so we can all go back to normal.