Stephen Covey talks a lot about the importance of listening in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Seeking to understand what other people are saying, practicing empathetic listening, asking clarifying questions, giving them plenty of time to talk, and avoiding the urge to reply as quickly as possible are all important aspects of good communication. In fact, communication isn’t possible without listening since talking is only half of the necessary ingredients for communication to occur.
This is still difficult for me to grasp at times. I used to have a lot of trouble truly listening to people since I feel most useful whenever I can help solve a problem and I still often carry this mindset into my conversations. As a result, I’d feel like I didn’t help someone if I couldn’t offer some useful advice. However, I’ve gradually realized how being there to hear someone out without offering any advice or trying to influence their decisions can be the best thing I can do for them. While I occasionally help people solve their problems, most of the time they just want someone who’ll be present and listen while they talk about whatever’s troubling them. Sometimes they talk their way into a solution and sometimes they don’t. Either way, they always get something off their chest and feel better afterward.
I started thinking about this stuff earlier this week after catching up with a friend and giving them plenty of space to talk while listening without trying to respond or offer any advice. During most of the conversation, I wasn’t even consciously thinking of Covey’s recommendations or anything that I typically mention in this blog. I was merely focused on hearing them out and focusing on what they had to say. They thanked me afterward and I could tell they truly appreciated my being there for them. This exchange reminded me of how important this stuff is. I love the feeling I get whenever someone listens to me and makes an effort to understand me, so I try to pay it forward as much as I can. What would the world look like if more people did this? I don’t know exactly but I think it’d be a much better place and I hope to see that happen.