Much as I hate to admit it, I find transactional relationships much easier and less stressful than non-transactional relationships. Here’s what I mean.
By “transactional,” I mean relationships that are mostly or even exclusively based on what one or both participants can do for the other. For example, A is buying groceries and B is ringing up those groceries. Neither one needs to know much about the other, and neither probably cares much about the other outside of the transaction. That isn’t needed for the transaction to be successful. In contrast, a “non-transactional” relationship would be one that isn’t based on either participant doing something for the other. Friendships are a good example. Two friends can go for extended periods of time without interacting and pick up right where they left off. They might have lots of lighthearted moments rather than focus solely on helping each other through challenging situations. However, they are much more likely than transactional relationships to feature heavier moments, greater challenges, and each participant hurting the other at some point (even if the hurt was unintentional and unknown by the one who did it until the other brought it up). As such, non-transactional relationships are much more stressful to me than transactional relationships.
There’s not much involved in giving someone information I have or helping them do something I can easily do. Such interactions are also generally pretty quick, and I might never again see someone I’ve assisted, especially if I’ve done so in a job setting. In contrast, non-transactional relationships are much deeper and require much more nuance, understanding, important (and often difficult) conversations, patience, and overall work. They also take a lot of time to develop and deepen, and they can last for an entire lifetime. I suspect that that’s why non-transactional relationships can also drain me much faster and much more thoroughly than transactional relationships.
However, there is a downside to transactional relationships. They will sometimes disguise themselves as deeper relationships. Lots of humans I’ve known have used me for what they wanted (control, peace, venting, gossiping, etc.) and not wanted anything deeper with me. While some make their intentions clear from the start, it sometimes takes a long time for me to realize that someone only cares about me as long as I can help them get what they want. It’s always hurt to find that someone I cared deeply about only saw me as a means to their various ends and had little to no interest in me outside of that (and such folks have often left me when I no longer was useful to them).
This applies almost exclusively to human relationships. With animals, I find non-transactional relationships incredibly easy. Whether I’ve known a particular animal for a long time or we’ve just met, we get along famously. That was certainly the case with my dog Sawyer, and he helped me feel much more comfortable around animals in general, especially dogs of all sizes. When almost everyone else I knew wanted to get something out of me, Sawyer just showed me love, kindness, consideration, and compassion. I wish all of my relationships were that way.
Unfortunately, humans seem to be seeking transactional relationships more all the time as the world continues moving toward greater speed, convenience, and ease. As such, I doubt that I will have more non-transactional relationships over time. All I can do is enjoy the meaningful relationships I do have, minimize the transactional relationships as much as possible, and continue appreciating my own company when nobody else is around.