I’ve written many blog posts about things I dislike in human interactions. Although those posts almost always also contain alternatives to the things I dislike, one of my best friends encouraged me to write a post focusing more on the things I’d like to see from those who want to be my friend. Many of these come from my dog Sawyer as he was the best friend I’ve ever had, treated me wonderfully, and taught me a lot about friendship during our eleven years together. No surprise, then, that my best human friends do many of the same things that Sawyer did for me. Here are the ways I feel most loved and appreciated by my closest friends.
- They listen to me. This is huge for me. I don’t say a lot around most humans, and I often need room to air out my ideas when I do speak, so I appreciate anyone who gives me the space to do so and then considers what I say. Bonus points if they let me know when something I say impacts them positively.
- They feel comfortable with quiet presence. Talking is optional with me, and I generally prefer silence. It’s much easier for me to feel calm and stay in the present moment when I don’t have to think about what someone else has said or what to say in response. I always love seeing how calm and alive someone becomes when they fully relax into the moment.
- They are gentle with me. I thrive on gentleness and safety. If I step out of line, my close friends let me know in a civil way, and I do the same for them. Having spent so much of my life around folks who would escalate a mild situation into an intense situation and an already intense situation into an explosive situation, I have deep appreciation for those who choose the peaceful path instead.
- They give me space as needed. Because I get overwhelmed easily, I need lots of space. One-on-one interactions are my favorite, and small groups with only a few other humans are about all I care to be deeply involved with at this point. I also love breaks from conversation, especially when I’m feeling tired, have nothing to say, or am having trouble understanding even simple things that someone else says. Every time I return from a break, I always feel better and can navigate the situation more smoothly and comfortably.
- They give me attention as needed. As much as I love space, I do value attention from and quality time with those close to me. Whether someone has asked me something about myself or is trying to help me get through a rough season, I appreciate them keeping the focus on me as long as I’m still talking, especially when I’m already feeling upset and don’t want to feel worse by hearing about other painful experiences. Also, although I like some space to talk about myself, I feel most comfortable talking about things we are both interested in, and it seems they also do.
- They speak life into me and others. I feel best when my friends and I are lifting each other up with our words. I also love it when they are either doing the same for those who aren’t within earshot or simply avoid talking about them when they’re not around. It’s amazing how much even one kind word can lift someone’s spirits and make a bad day a little easier to bear.