I recently had another birthday. Up until 2022, my birthday was one of my favorite days of the year. I’d look forward to it for over a month, think about what presents I might get, and usually have some big celebration. All of that changed last year.
Losing my dog Sawyer in early 2022 made the rest of that year incredibly painful. My birthday was no exception. As painful as it was to have my first birthday without Sawyer since 2010, this birthday seemed like it would be more painful. Knowing that this would be my second birthday since Sawyer’s death, and that every remaining birthday would also be without him, hit hard. Sadness, frustration, and depression leading up to the big day were higher than they’d been in a long time. The depression got bad enough that I cried more in the days leading up to my birthday than I had since any birthday aside from the one in 2022.
Fortunately, to my surprise, the day itself turned out to be lovely. Despite a heavy downpour of rain and some lingering pain from missing Sawyer, I felt good for most of the day. I slept fairly well, had a decent start to the morning, and got a lot of nice things and hardly any bad things throughout the day. This year’s celebrations, if you can even call them that, were even smaller than last year’s. I went a few places with a few close friends in 2022. This time, I stayed home most of the day. My only treks outside the house involved a brief afternoon trip to the pet store (where I pet two hamsters and got to boop a ferret’s nose) and a nighttime neighborhood walk. Additionally, I had hardly any in-person interactions. I did talk via phone and video chat with four wonderful friends. Also, shortly before my birthday, I got to visit with a friend and her pup, both of whom had just moved back after being away for about a year. That was a wonderful gift.
Aside from the pet store visit and calls with friends, it turned out to be a pretty normal day for me. Doing everything at my own pace and mostly keeping to myself made for a chill, enjoyable experience. I might be feeling up to going bigger next year, but this year, keeping things small and simple were exactly what I wanted and needed. Feeling at ease for most of the day and going to bed feeling content reassured me that I had made the right call for how to spend this birthday.
I’ve heard several people say that their thirties were better than their twenties. All the struggles, emotional issues, self-image problems, and other unpleasantries went away and they were replaced with greater stability, peace, and satisfaction. I’m hoping that’ll be the case for me as well, given how insane the past ten years have been and how painful the past three years in a row were. It’s still early to make any bold predictions, but this new chapter of my life is off to a good start. Who knows? The remainder of this year could be my best year since 2019, and this new decade could be the best of my adult life. Here’s hoping.