In his book Influence, Robert Cialdini talks about six principles that increase the chances of successful persuasion. These principles help us navigate life without becoming overwhelmed by minute details, but they can be used against us by con men. Cialdini provides numerous examples of each principle in action, cautions readers to avoid using them in an unethical fashion, and offers methods of resisting them when they’re employed by deceivers. I highly recommend reading the book to learn more about all of this, but if that’s not an option for you, here are some tips on how to say no when faced with…
Reciprocation
– First, try rejecting the initial favor or gift.
– If you accept it and it’s a true favor, respond in kind; if it’s a compliance tactic, recognize it as such and treat it accordingly.
Commitment/Consistency
– “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
– Listen to your gut when it’s obvious that you’re being pressured to do something you don’t want to do.
– If you knew then what you know now, would you make the same choice again?
Social Proof
– Determine if the information you’re being given is inaccurate, one-sided, or counterfeit, and, if so, disengage from your autopilot and grab the controls.
– Call them out on their deception.
– Your autopilot can sometimes make mistakes even if there’s no deception involved.
– When in doubt, take a minute to make sure your autopilot isn’t steering you wrong.
Liking
– Recognize when an undue liking has been produced, such as liking a compliance practitioner sooner or more deeply than you expected.
– If so, mentally separate the person from what they’re trying to get you to do and consider the pros and cons of that decision apart from the person.
Authority
– Keep in mind the influential power of those in apparent positions of authority.
– Ask yourself if the person in question is actually an expert on what they’re talking about.
– If they are an expert, consider how truthful they may be when speaking to you or what they might gain from your cooperation.
– Be wary of them appearing to argue against their own interests; they may be trying to “prove” their honesty and therefore gain your trust and compliance.
Scarcity
– Become aware of emotions and tensions rising within you in a compliance situation involving scarcity.
– Try using awareness of those sensations to slow down and think clearly about the situation.
– Remember that possessing scarce items, rather than experiencing them, is what makes the scarcity principle work.
– If you value the utility of an item, remember that scarcity adds nothing to its utility.